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After a lonely spell in the dark, Q used deep sympathy to conjure a wyvern, uncoiling it from the sand and smiling into the pitch as the creature’s scaly spindles arced terribly against the ridged outline of dune peaks beyond. The boy patted himself on the chest in salutation, and the wyvern grudgingly huffed its disgusted acknowledgement.

As a rule of desert magicks, a conjurer holds his subject in servitude for one deed, after which the summoned may choose to return to the region from whence it arrived. Or it may stay and do as it pleases. Because of this second option, awakening a spirit so powerful as Al Taneen, the desert dragon, was an incredibly brazen maneuver, even in the middle regions between day and night.

“Marhaba,” said Q, staring up at the hulking shadow before him. “I need you for only a simple task.”

The wyvern growled and the earth trembled beneath it. It opened its jaws and spoke, and the words issuing forth were horrifying to the ear, the cacophonous vestiges of a language surely forgotten if, that is, it have ever been known to the realm of man in the first place. Q did not stutter or hesitate.

“You will give me your name,” he said to the wyvern.

Again the draconian beast upended the silent desert night with a bellowing grumble, heating the air to an acidic mist with its rancid breath. The words came as flaming arrows, fraying the link between earth and sky, sending sonic reverberations into untold leagues.
“I promise you, friend, this is all I ask.” Q’s voice was calm and defiant. “And then you may go, or stay and devour me, should you so desire.”

The wyvern lowered its serpentine head, allowing a sliver of starlight to illuminate its gruesome visage. Q noticed the eyes, blue and crystalline, leaking tears of blood onto the rocky underscales of the dragon’s snout. The monster’s fortress of teeth was the gate of a war-worn parapet, hiding the scent of rot behind its spires. It sniffed and grunted before retreating back into the darkness.

Two words were then whispered on the air: Wadi Malak. And then nothing. Silence enveloped the swirling mix of heated wind and dragon vapor, creating a dense and sickly vacuum. All movement, save Q’s steady breathing, ceased entirely. The demon apprentice met the stony gaze of Wadi Malak with even measures of pain and gratitude. Without flinching, both smiled. Two killers at a crossroads, admiring one another’s stubborn resolve.

“Shukran,” said Q.

“Salam,” answered Wadi Malak.

Then the beast pirouetted in the sand and bounded skyward, pounding its wings with an electric fury, graceful and disgusting as it whipped earthen debris into a maelstrom beneath its ghastly airborne corpus. Sandpaper scales along Wadi Malak’s back, invalid from the mighty creature’s long slumber, careened violently toward the ground and sent Q sprawling under a fusillade of petrified bone and sinew. Several pieces lanced his flesh, and Q, blinded with pain, tumbled into a grainy ditch and passed out.

When he awoke, he was naked, scab-covered and surrounded by skulls. Skulls of man and animal alike, foisted on a bed of bones. Q did not jump up in fright, but instead rose slowly and surveyed his surroundings. Despite the ceaseless darkness of the mystery land that had abducted him, Q’s senses had quickly adapted and become attuned to the unexpected. And the musty smell of subterranean confines was unmistakable.

Q crawled in the direction of the least foul smelling air, craning his head toward a vague sound of dripping water. Half-healed gashes reopened on his skin, and soon the scent of his blood rose thickly into the dank. He crawled for a solid hour like this, bleeding and thirsty, into further and further reaches of nothing. Then he halted. Q felt the presence of another, heard the dull rise and fall of breath. Someone, or something, was very close. Its low, gravelly voice echoed into the lightless din and sent ice across Q’s bare skin.

“We’ve been waiting for you, Quadamah Al-Ayman.”

All I need is a mic and beat
Or maybe not
I’ll bring shit that’s smoking hot
And you can tweet
Socialize that shit, announce the message
Like deluxe juice-a-matic, always, the freshest
Marty, wishin he was the big dog, big ballin
Hollerin at all my sycophantic darlins,
These people just wanna hear stories and dreams
About how whiteboys went from footjoys to fat ass Nikes
Raised to perform,
Sworn, these vows
Entertain yall folks,
Curiosity aroused
Working lyrics for the money
Knockin 9 to 5 shifts
Minnesota to south Texas
Clocking silly business trips
Just to hit that rent payment, and shake a couple asses
Bring that audience baby, I rope a dope em like Cassius
And get my dash on, yeah, back to my cubicle
Write some poetry and blog that shit, uhh, beautiful
That’s all I really got, its just respeck for the game
Approach it like a technician, fuck the power, fuck the fame
Just a dude with some time on his hands, in the stands
No plans and no fans, just some rough jams, and BAM
Simply crush it and get my ass out
Back to the jetta,
No cush position, no a/c, no pleasure
But I got some 12s in the back blowin folks up at stop lights
See me on the street, recognize, I’m out, good night

yumanI need a teacher.
I need a phone.
I get nervous when I’m out on my own.
I tear my eyes out.
I plead for my safety.
My hands get jittery and shaky.
And lately,
I can’t concentrate,
I can’t speak clear.
I can’t formulate,
I can barely hear.
Seeing signs is a foregone conclusion.
I’m pretty sure all I got is illusions.
Pretty girls,
Dark skin, no face,
Just phantoms,
Hard leather lace.
What is real life?
Mostly real pain.
I can hear the poison,
Jetting through the wrong veins.
I can see the future,
And it’s full of winter.
I got a son and a daughter,
And their eyes are splinters.
Call me naked,
Call me sour,
Call me sir,
Call me coward.
Felled by dreams,
Skinned up knees,
Near enough,
To a life that was rarely seen,
Never roughed.
Just hungry,
In the wrong places,
Doing just about enough to get by,
A veces.
But is it dark yet?
Can I come out?
Find a young one,
Let the blood out.
Eat a child.
Fill the void.
Pretend it’s over.
Imagine humanoids.
They’re here.
Too late for running.
Acquiesce.
Because you’re done in.
And you passed the test.
For real.

Ojos del ángel

The old man looked at me, his eyes a gloomy pink.
Shadows trailed his jellied lower lip.
Many mistakes I’ve made, boy,
but something to make you think.
The road will take you far and wide, dust in your wake,
sun glazing your future with promise.
In your bright path, an angel you will meet.
Her eyes will tell you the bluest ocean’s break,
the silk of moonlight, the truth of all the world.
If you walk past her, boy, take heed,
the chance will not return.
Blinded you will be to the mysteries unfurled.

shaitan1At 23, and having just spent two years parlaying in the wash with wizards of the old cloak, the boy had become a jagged, olive man, tall enough to lean under the crackling spray of the windswept Shomali downpours. Clean bearded and wiry, he wandered the streets of old Lahore, eyeless screamers of the lowlands well behind him, his embittered gaze trained for the cleric minstrels that were his quarry. The hearts of his enemies beat within the city’s high stone walls, and beneath its marble-slabbed corridors blood crust gave way to ghosts. He was ready to face them.

His long journey took him through the Turkish salt marshes and fetid shit-dens of southern Persia, and preceding these nightmares, the alabaster swathes of Arabian dust from whence he began.

The name given to him was Qudamah Al-Ayman, but he had long forgotten all but Q. His mother had been a whore and a thief, who was flayed from end to end by a merchant sheik who kept a scimitar handy. His mother’s blood had dabbled Q’s infant face as he lay nearby on a bed of camel cloth. Minutes later, that very sheik was bludgeoned to death with an oblong stone by a man who could have been Q’s father. That man, it was whispered, had been drawn and quartered a day or two after the fact. The baby Qudamah was left alone, soiled and hungry.

As fate would have it, Q’s life was saved by a daimon, bread breaker of Iblis and servant of the desert underworld. No more than a creeping shadow to the naked eye, the daimon, which was called Katib, slipped into the gore-smattered tent and retrieved the wailing boy, ushering him therefore into a life of invisibility and silent ire.

By the age of 16, Q had slaughtered more than five dozen men and women in the service of Katib, who required his lamb to do the bidding of the ever-greedy, nightshade race of jinn. Katib was never cruel or callous to his innocent, involuntary retainer. He accepted the boy’s role of submission without excitement, and placed his devilish demands in Q’s unconscious, waking dreams. Understanding his own servitude before the scorching hearth of Iblis the deceiver, Katib knew well the pulsating fury and untapped wisdom locked within the youthful killer.

Q became an assassin of such notorious repute that his stealth and dexterity with a crooked blade was instant legend from Sana’a to Jerusalem. But his intensity and focus as a scholar were his true virtues. Katib, dark poet and relentless cannibal, invoked the worst of the human spirit in his orders to Q, but also granted his slave access to deep scrolls of the secret mystics. Despite daily forays into larceny and severed throats, the boy retained a venerable heart, longing always for the ancient texts, wherein perhaps the answers lay to the sadness that pained his desperate soul.

It is said that some are born with an unconscious affinity for worlds beyond this one, manifesting in a taciturn recognition of powers greater than those dictated in the realm of man. These rare beings suffer their lives in obscurity, hoping some day to breach the gap between life and death in an instant of gratitude and understanding. Thus afflicted, Q detested the impure deeds that were his repertoire, but stomached them patiently, as a man prepared to accept responsibility for his sins in the spirit house. He catered to Katib’s bloodlust and bided time until the moment of his true vocation arrived.

At 21, Q’s daimon keeper offered him apprenticeship with the most arcane charnel creatures of the middle kingdom. Tasked with entering a seething vortex of sun washed Arabian desert, and forced to last three days without food or water, he was then presented with the right to follow the four defunct imams of yesterday’s descent. These hooded masters existed on the lathe of flesh, and it was only at the moment of ultimate despair that their wicked sovereignty revealed itself in moon rendered opaque.

Hallucinating and sun sick, Q leapt into the astral gate, grasping for the blasphemous robes on camelback, and his future was thereafter altered.

To be continued…

A friend of mine, the Brown Fox, emailed me this morning to alert me to a strange disturbance in her world. The Brown Fox is known well for her honesty, so it’s tough to call her out on this one. Was this a ghost? An incredibly lucid dream? A psychotropic hallucination? You decide.

I woke up at 2:40 or so last night and didn’t get back to sleep until about 4:30 a.m. During that time I was drifting in and out (mostly out) of a light slumber. Not at 3 a.m. but at some time during the 3 o’clock hour, I got out of bed to use the bathroom. As I walked back towards my bed, out of the corner of my eye I saw a small movement. One of the doors to my armoire, already ajar, had moved slightly. I stopped, fully prepared to write this off as a trick of the imagination.

Then, the door started moving…opening and shutting of its own accord, first slowly then more and more violently. This was no trick of the imagination–I was certain. I nearly screamed but my voice caught in my throat and all I could do was try to force it shut myself. I’d almost succeeded, when I felt two strong hands holding my arms down against me. The hands pushed me, turned me back towards my bed, pushing me until I fell on it, and scampered under the covers.

I lay there frightened for some time, certain that some thing, or some force, had been or was still in my room, in my apartment. After a few moments, I drifted back into an uneasy sleep. A while later–it might have been minutes, or just a moment, I opened my eyes again and the entire incident seemed as though it had been a dream. I still felt the same fright though, so I examined the evidence. My bladder, which earlier was full, was now empty. I’d gone to the bathroom. I thought about what I saw around me, or thought I’d seen. In the “dream” my room looked exactly as it was–the same belt strewn across the floor–the same shirt and jeans that I’d discarded earlier…everything looked as it did in reality. Did this happen? Had I made myself think it was a dream so as not to die of fright, so as to not have to acknowledge that there was an invisible being in my room? Or had this really been just a frighteningly realistic dream?

This morning…in broad daylight, I still can’t decide which trick my mind played on me–that this hadn’t happened, or that it had…

Two Pack Night

By the time the sun had finished its inexorable slide below the ashen milk of the twilit November horizon, I had already knocked back three whiskeys and successfully started feeling weird. For shit, the patio had a tint of God to it, and all the bodies sort of swayed and spoke in tones of 80s rock. And it was warm and windy at the same time, and that was pretty alright with me. So I bummed a cigarette from a short guy with a blue shirt who smelled a bit like salt, and I saw his face contort like a puppet made of styrofoam. When I mentioned the demon that he represented by being the harbinger of tomorrow’s great head pound, he asked to have the fag back. Uh uh. Snake’s Tavern was on fire that night, and no one seemed to recognize the subtle but obvious note of destruction that hung on the heat lamps like evil garland. No one but me, of course. The stone stink of hose wash swept across my denim and I could feel the nervousness of my temporary vocation, which represented nothing short of getting cocked on every substance I might encounter through gracious yet feigned ignorance. I, the ignoramus, alone and shitfaced.

A couple of folks whose collective hairiness upped the night’s comfy temperature by a score of degrees, reached over into my body space. I didn’t know them but I was sure they were friendly and thusly pushed them hard from the fire air. They paused at this physical audacity and asked me where I was from. The younger of the two, the female, smiled at me and her mustache bade me warning. Her compadre, the luckless gripper, fired a few aggressives back toward my face and I could feel the quickening stench of man trouble. Then the bottle flew.

dr-manhattanAny given moment is, in a sense, interchangeable with any other given moment. This much we know. After all, time is completely unreal. But any moment is felt differently depending on the perspective from which it is being experienced. And in this parallax spirit, it is always in the interests of Mr. McFriend to study and analyze the past, present and future in equal ratios.

From this point forward (and back), I’ll take a look each week at three elements representing important relative points along the wheel of time. With luck, you’ll conduct similar exercises on late nights in dark interweb k-holes and unleash your inner Hipparchus.

The Past: The Lesser Key of Solomon

One of the earliest and most popular books about demons, the Lesser Key contains arcane demon resurrection incantations and all manner of ways to raise, manipulate and control powerful phantoms of the underworld. A 20th Century translation by our dear friend Aleister Crowley contains evocations for directing the wills of 72 demon lords once in the service of Old Testament stalwart Solomon the King. Unlike the Necronomicon ex Mortis, this book is not bound in human flesh and inked in blood. Rather, you can pick up this all-important grimoire on eBay for a virtual pittance and perhaps turn your dog into Azares, duke of the eastern zone of hell and commander of 31 demon hordes.

The Present: Watchmen

Yes, I know it’s received more press than Jesus Christ over the past six months, but the expectations around this graphic novel-cum H-wood blockbuster are as grandiose as ever before seen during an idle March in Nyerd-dom. Taking place in a world that veered off the timeline experienced by most of you creepies here today, the Watchmen is anticipated mostly due to its anti-hero treatment of the masked avenger sub-genre. For yours truly, I’m excited to see my friend Dr. Manhattan on the big screen. We were class 7 stewards at the same time somewhere back in our eidetic memories.

The Future: Are We Alone?

The next time you check your 401K statement and begin seriously weighing the merits of arson, remember that you’re nothing more than a blip in an unfathomably wide universe. And while you’ve spent the past decade busying yourself with Sportscenter or shopping or autoerotic asphyxiation, smart people have been building a celestial vessel with the means to take stock of all the planets in the cosmos. Indeed, with this week’s launch of NASA’s Kepler Spacecraft, human beings will begin to feasibly count planets and identify those demonstrating all the traits typically necessary to support life (as it is widely recognized today). In other words, the most realistic path yet to First Contact is being laid. Check the quote by Kepler’s project manager:

“We are going to be able to answer for the first time a question that has been pondered since the time of the ancient Greeks. Are there other worlds like ours? The question has come down to us from 100 generations. We get to answer it.”

We’ll receive early returns in just a few months, but the biggest findings may take a few years to materialize. Nothing but the flick of an eyelash in a long gaze toward the sprawling eternal.

No one who has fallen in love since the collapse of the first world can say that humanity has actually changed much, if at all, in spite of the ubiquitous fire rivers, obliterated skies and epidemic protein diseases that mutated human beings, literally, to ravenous, misshapen pteradons.

This, I know, because I’ve seen one man’s confrontation with Eros, a sight so full of promise that maybe all of us, for a time, believed that we were descended from a race worth saving. The cruel irony, Shakespearean and vivid, is that we are a line of kings, a portraiture of congenital grace, a masterpiece of aesthetic desire, serving a more sinister purpose, jestering before the eyes of a twisted, ragged genius, bored by our imperfections and obsessed with bloodshed and misery.

Does it sound harsh? Me, an anonymous minstrel of lowly repute, bantering on about the ignobility of God and the unfairness with which our lot was blessed? If your eyes can discern the words that trickle from me, here, during these pyre days, know this: God is a gambler and a trickster, a prodigy with the gift of the sardonic and an unquenchable thirst for suspense. God placed mankind, a chess piece cursed with slight sentimentality, here to fail, but only after the grandest of spectacles.

I’ve only heard stories about the first great battle for heaven. But I witnessed in person the final struggle, jihad of humanity, upon Har Megiddo itself, and I cried to blindness when the last mighty hero of our people was destroyed. And it was for love, of course.

How else can this world be defined, but as a rigged game, when our greatest single asset doubles as the only pure, unshakeable guarantor of our demise?

This hero was beset from the beginning by misfortune and malice. Born to a sick mother and a father he never saw, some say a demon spawn, he survived as an orphan through years of dust and death.

He racketeered with the oil cartels, wandered with gypsy harlots, hunted beast and imp alike with barrel-chested rangers from the Northern baronies. But the rock-encrusted armor contained a soft spot in the middle, and his dreams were poetic, simplistic, blissful. Schooled by my kind, the Courants, in the arts of science, literature and language, he built an appetite for knowledge and assuaged his heavy heart and aching wounds with the charity of human civility.

His gifts to us were many. And his story deserves to be told.

Him: I am the soup ladle, I am the honeycomb.

Me: What did you just say?

Him: I lord, you lay.

Me: Dude, relax.

Him: I see the black vultures, hovering. You own the dirt.

Me: Can you just shut up for a minute? There are a lot of good looking chicks around.

Him: I am the sea snail, I am the manatee, I am the walrus.

Me: Did you just sing a Beatles lyric?

Him: Cower before the prophet. Make thyself comfortable on a bed of rock and mites.

Me: That’s pretty weird…Damn, I’m hungry.

Him: Understand the wrath as it relates to thine own demise. Recognize the mystery. Feel the vibration.

Me: Ok, seriously, that was Marky Mark.

Him: I am the grape fruit. I am the blacktop.

Me: Did you just see that bumper sticker? It said “Look Twice, Gudgeons Are Everywhere.”

Him: Peer into the fathoms, deny it not and destiny shall return its just favors.

Me: You know, I seriously can’t remember if I took a shit yesterday.

Him: The endless is upon you. And between us naught, before us, never.

Me: What time is it?

Him: Epoch of desert, trifle of continuum, norge.

Me: That guy is seriously selling oranges in the middle of the street. How much money do you think he can pull in a good day?

Him: A million galaxies, nothing, cups of the bittersweet, terror in the apple core.

Me: Fuck it, I still have a half an hour. Let’s get a taco.

Him: Boundless destruction, habitation of flame, albino of liberty, nudity of yesterday, manacle of tears, peanut butter. Know it thus.

Me: I need new shoes.

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